I grew up in a loving household. When we moved to a new town in my 4th grade year I was supposed to change schools the following year..this was the start to a whole new world outside of the bubble I realized I lived in.
At my new school we were not the norm. I had honestly never heard of parents being divorced, but my parents were a very few that were still married. This was a complete shock to me! (Sheltered..maybe)
My friends and I all had part-time jobs that we worked after school and through the summer. I bought my first car, paid my insurance, gas, school clothes, I even helped with the extras I needed for cheerleading,band, and prom.
When I graduated I was working full-time when I was introduced to what would be my future husband. He had always worked and paid for the things he needed too. We both saved money and paid our portion of the cost for our wedding. We bought our house, had children and have provided for them.
Problem 1: Where did we go wrong in not teaching our children the value of the dollar and hard work. I was shocked when we moved to the new state that we live in and found that people won't/don't like to hire teens. How are they ever going to learn to appreciate anything if they are not earning those items? I can not imagine not helping my parents as a teenager when there was so much extra that I needed.
I admit-I met one of those rare men when I met my husband. I'm not the sappy type and neither is he, but he is the most gentle, caring man I have ever met. He opens car doors, holds other doors open, takes his hat off while eating, etc. We did however come from totally different backgrounds. His-not good at all. He is a survivor of abuse and made a choice to never be that kind of person. Dealing with his family led me to be scarred for life as I had to see my precious 13 month old nephew with bruises from the small of his back to the back of his upper thighs. He also had marks on both cheeks like someone grabbed his face..totally devastated..
So as a newly married couple we had to go through a lengthy and stressful process by the Dept. of Children/Family Services researching our pasts. I received many calls asking me questions about his family that I had no clue to the answers, and many that resulted in, "We can't find any criminal history on your husband, he's never been in trouble?" Ummm, No! Sorry that is hard to believe due to his family history.
We endured months of having this little boy and his brother who was 3 months at the time. Not that they were bad, but my sister in law tried to start trouble when she found out we had them in foster care. She'd miss the supervised visits-even when the case workers were driving to pick her up. We assume the case workers had finally had enough because they gave the kids back to her. The day we had to give them back she showed up at the office with no car seats for her babies and no clothes (which we provided for her there in the office.) 2 weeks later we went for a visit to see the boys and they were living in a house with dog feces on the floor and exposed electrical wires. When we reported it, the case workers told us our expectations of clean may not be everyone else's. Really? Sad to say-my sister in law had more kids..today her kids are age: 15,14,11,7, and a newborn..have things gotten better? I had to cut ties from her because she would not be a better mom and it was too much for me and no matter how many times we reported her no one did anything. I can tell you the answer is No..the 11 yr old has been caught stealing other kids snacks in school. She has told the school she steals because she is hungry..but no one has done anything.
**I still go to bed many nights haunted by the bruises I saw that night on my nephew**
Problem #2: When in the world did we, as human beings, quit valuing our children? You all have read/seen the stories. Children murdered because parents don't want to be bothered. So many abducted and killed. Or just the plain cases of innocent children being abused. Where does this World think we are going to end up if we are treating our next generation this way? Is there a future without any nurturing? I'm not saying that children should behave the way that I see almost every time I go to the store, kids need discipline or they can turn out to be not so good adults. My children have manners and behave appropriately. When they don't, they are punished. That is called raising your child. You do not have to abuse them in the process.
Do I have a solution to both problems..No, I suppose I don't have a wand to magically wave. As it gets late here-my final thought of the night is-if we don't teach our children responsibility, show them love but yet correct them when they are wrong we will never provide them with a bright future. Failure is almost a certainty...
-Jules
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